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谢振礼雅思范文:闭路监控

2018-01-01 来源:读书人 
谢振礼雅思范文:闭路监控

广州 新洲际教育 英文写作

谢振礼 作文批改点评



以下我们选“CCTV”这一篇范文,并从雅思四项评分准则来讨论。


范文来源: Ielts-Simon.com 博客日期2017-09-07。全文275字分四段共13句话,为了分析讲解的方便,我们把句子的排列组合编号一到十三。文章之后,开始分析与讲解。这回我们仅仅关注两个逻辑结构的技巧:其一句子的排列组合;其二,作文的三个T。


Writing Task 2: CCTV Essay


Topic:


In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom.


Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.


Essay: by Ielts-Simon.com


新洲际:简单逻辑结构,双边议论CCTV的利弊


第一段 好处多于坏处(主题)

第二段 说坏处是有

第三段 说好处更多

第四段 再说一遍(主题)好处多于坏处


第1段 introduction 申论主题 (主题贯穿全文)

It is true that video surveillance has become commonplace in many cities in recent years.

二 主题句

While I understand that critics may see this as an invasion of privacy, I believe that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.



第2段 body paragraph A 支持主题 (主题贯穿全文)

三 指标句A

There are two main reasons why people might disapprove of the use of video cameras in public places.

四The first objection is that these cameras invade our privacy, in the sense that we are constantly being watched by the authorities or by private security firms.

Many people find this intrusive and feel that the recording of their movements is a form of state control that curtails their individual freedom.

The second argument against the proliferation of CCTV cameras is that they are being used as an alternative to police officers patrolling the streets.

If this is indeed happening, then it is unlikely that members of the public will feel safer.



第3段 body paragraph B 支持主题 (主题贯穿全文)

八 指标句B

In spite of the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that the use of video cameras to monitor public areas is a positive measure.

The key objective of video surveillance is to deter criminals and to prevent crime.

For example, petty criminals like shoplifters and pickpockets are less likely to operate in parts of cities where they know that they are being watched.

十一

At the same time, when crimes are committed, the police can use video evidence to catch and persecute offenders.

十二

Therefore, in my view, video cameras offer valuable support to police officers, and they make cities safer for inhabitants, workers and visitors alike.



第4段 conclusion 重申主题 (主题贯穿全文)

十三 主题句

In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we lose from the enhanced security that CCTV cameras bring to our cities.


新洲际技巧之一:坚持一种你自己喜欢的排列组合,养成习惯,习惯成自然。


这一篇作文提供一个非常好的答案。作者是大家熟悉的前任雅思考官Simon,他发布了几十篇9分范文,每一篇的结构都是起承转合,坚持2/5/5/1,千篇一律13句,不多不少。


这位英国佬声明这是他个人的习惯性,其实写14/15/16/17/18句当然也OK,不过底线是不能少于250英文字。比方说你也可以起2承5转5合2,共14句;2/6/6/2,共16句;3/6/6/3,共18句,如此类推排列组合。或者设计自己认为最能自然上手的安排,所以技

巧是坚持个人的习惯,如此则习惯成自然,句子心中有数,借此产生信心,自然的完成写作任务。


新洲际技巧之二: 锻炼英文作文的TTT,保证不会跑题。


【Thesis statement】 这个T是指主题句,必须出现在第一段引言,申论主题,主题又必须出现在结论中,重申主题。(注:主题前呼后应,引言与结论的立场一致。Simon范文第一段第二句话,申论主题;第四段第十三句话,重申主题。所谓主题,就是你回答问题的立场或观点。)


句二申论主题:

“While I understand that critics may see this as an invasion of privacy, I believe that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.” (注:从主题中,技巧上一分为二 A/B。A段论CCTV的坏处;A段论好处。作者的立场是好处多于坏处。)


句十三重申主题:

“In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we lose from the enhanced security that CCTV cameras bring to our cities.” (作者又重复说CCTV的好处多于坏处。)



【Topic sentences】 这个T是指标句,每一个中体段的第一句话是指标句,A/B。。


第二段首句三,指标句A,针对主题,连接引言段。

“There are two main reasons why people might disapprove of the use of video cameras in public places.” 随后来的几句话用来举例说明这一段的指标句A。


第三段首句八,指标句B,连接第二段,也针对引言中的主题。

“In spite of the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that the use of video cameras to monitor public areas is a positive measure.” 随后来的几句话用来举例说明指标句B。


【Transition】这个T是指过渡连接用语,有助于语气上的逻辑连贯。善用,不滥用。

Examples: but, therefore, and, or, at the same time (文法资料中可以找到一箩筐的transitions. 贵在灵活运用)




接着我们替考官范文打分数,分四项评分,综合 Band 9。


--全面答题 9 Task Response/Achievement

--逻辑连贯 9 Cohesion and Coherence

--辞汇资源 9 Lexical Resource

--文法精确 9 Grammatical Range and Accuracy






新洲际这一篇的起承转合,3/6/6/3,共18句话,所以字数较多。读者可以练习尝试改写。


建议结构:


--引言 使用闭路电视监控,好处超过坏处

--A段 讨论若干坏处

--B段 讨论更多好处

--结论 使用闭路电视监控,好处超过坏处




Topic:


In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.



Essay: 新洲际 谢振礼 原创范文


If people have nothing to hide, they should not worry about CCTV cameras. There is no much concern of privacy violation when they behave themselves in public places. Like it or not, public security should be put on top of individual freedom in order to deter crimes.


What is wrong with the idea of increasing surveillance cameras? The first argument against video surveillance is the invasion of privacy. For example, when people are walking down the street, driving their cars, or hanging out with boyfriends and girlfriends, they will be monitored, and this may cause many to feel nervous for being watched. The second argument against the widely use of surveillance cameras is that it is expensive, while its effectiveness is doubted. Then, why should the government spend so much taxpayers’ money in it, which not only fails to make people any safer but also restricts their individual freedom? Overall, critics think that even the simple lack of control or limits on the camera use is a problem itself since it is difficult to balance public security and private liberty.


That said, there are several good points about CCTV, and it could not be imagined how bad the situation would be, were there no public security cameras? To start with, these measures can help

people stay safe while shopping and traveling, among other things. Besides, crimes can be deterred before they even begin in some cases, and people’s fear of crime can be reduced. In many cities, statistics show that camera surveillance does reduce crime, in the sense that most criminals may be less likely to have trouble with the law near the location for fear of being caught. Needless to say, if a crime is committed in an area where a video camera has been set up, the chances of catching the criminal or criminals are much higher. It is because any footage that is on a surveillance camera that captures a crime being committed can be used in a court as evidence against the accused.


To conclude, the benefits of installing public surveillance cameras outweigh the drawbacks greatly. People are supposed to feel safer with increased surveillance. Security being the first priority, public places are not meant to be private hideouts, are they?


(作者:读书人网友 编辑:kind887)
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